Tag Archives: encouragment
“Delicious ambiguity.” What a WONDERFUL way to describe life.
I’ve spent much of my life wishing it away – wanting to be out of high school, waiting for my now-husband to come back from the Marines on leave and then for good, wishing away much of college because we were again apart, wishing the time away so we could finally get married.
Once I finally had my family, I switched gears – NOT wishing the time away, but worrying about what MIGHT happen, trying to CONTROL as much of it as I could.
What a waste. I finally learned that there is little of importance I can control and that worrying about something that might happen just stresses me out and doesn’t change the outcome. I’m apparently a slow learner, but I HAVE made some good changes.
- Now that I’m older than dirt I realize my limitations and don’t stress (much) about things over which I have absolutely no control.
- I realize that my warped sense of humor saves my sanity, allowing me to stand back a bit, and if not laugh, give it a great smirk.
- I realize how wonderful my life is now. I truly appreciate how spoiled I am.
- I’m grateful for the husband who drives me to distraction much of the time. How empty my life would be without him. I’m grateful, too, for our animals – even though I spend much of my time cleaning up after them – for their unconditional love and companionship.
- I treasure the friends I’ve made. I don’t make friends easily. I have people I enjoy doing things with, but real friends are rare, and I’m lucky to have some.
- I have more interests than I have time or energy. I love being able to mostly choose how I’ll spend my time each day – diving into projects head first, feeling the satisfaction of a job well done, or playing in my art room, dreaming about my greenhouse and spring in my raised bed square foot garden, re-reading wonderful books I’ve collected over the years and finding new authors I love, re-painting some of our mailbox decorations or metal yard critters that need attention in the shop while my husband works on a project at the other end of the room…
- I’m grateful that I’m healthy enough to do most of what I would like to do.
None of us knows what will happen next. What Gilda Radner says about ‘taking the moment and making the best of it’ really resonates with me. Life is a series of ‘moments.’ If we concentrate on paying attention and making the most of each one, we can relax and enjoy her ‘delicious ambiguity.’
I’m still feeling hurt and angry at the verbal attack by our family member on my husband’s birthday. I’m re-reading daily what other wise family members told me regarding looking at this with compassion for the source of this, rather than focusing on what was said or how WE feel about it. One thing that is resonating now is that until I can LET GO of this, it continues to harm. Our family member has probably gone on to other things. I’M the one mired in negative feelings.
I’m a bit old to change my stripes at this stage of my life, but I’m NOT too old to nurture feelings already inside. I have a lot of compassion inside that comes surging up when I see bad things happen to good people. I strive to show kindness whenever I can. I usually can see the other person’s point of view – something that has resulted in a lot of ‘differences’ being nipped in the bud even before the disagreement really gets going. This situation is no different, really – only in the ‘personal’ nature of the attack – and the fact we didn’t see it coming and had done nothing to warrant it.
As I do other things, I’m thinking about what our wise family members said. I’m GRADUALLY seeing this as an opportunity to use the good things inside me to help my sweet husband consider the SOURCE of this vicious judgment of his character, his beliefs, his service in the Marine Corps, his performance as a husband and father, his membership affiliations, his politics, his worth as a human being as the judgment of one person who is deeply unhappy and hurting. It’s pretty amazing that the judgment of one other person, in one vicious note, can smash your feelings of self-worth. I WON’T ALLOW IT.
I’ll continue to hang on, try to show my husband in every way I can what a wonderful human being he is and how much I treasure every day with him – even when he makes me angry and ready to strangle him. :0)
I’m reaching inside, past the child all wrapped up in hurt and anger, to the adult who is usually able to deal with bad things in the best way I can. I really wish this person had attacked ME. I could handle that SO much better!
The double whammy of Mother Nature with Hurricanes Harvey and Irma – with even more following on their heels – is devastating. It seems more than anyone should have to bear. There is little we can do for our friends and relatives suffering from these awful storms. They make us feel totally helpless.
We CAN show each of our loved ones are in our thoughts and prayers. We CAN communicate and try to send strength their way. We CAN help them with whatever the aftermath is. We can try to help those we know personally, and also carefully research and donate to all those in need that we don’t know. Coming together when bad things happen is something our country does well. Our differences seem to fade, at least for a little while, and we reach out.
So many people are already devastated. We can hope that Irma will change her course, but we have no control over that. We can just reach out and do what we can. Trying to send strength to all who need it right now.
“When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but do not quit.”
I’ve decided to stop feeling guilty.
- Guilty about eating too much
- guilty about eating things not on my diet
- guilty about not losing weight
- guilty about not doing yoga and my elliptical
- guilty about not getting a much done each day as I want….
The list goes on and on and to be honest, I’m sick of it.
I can come up with endless excuses – in fact, I could teach a course on it. I’m very creative, too; coming up with more and more as the time allows, rather than putting my head down and doing better.
But I’m sick of coming up with excuses, too.
Right now “doing the best I can with the energy I have and the willpower I haven’t” will have to be good enough. Life is too short to agonize over every bite I put in my mouth, or how my to-do list is getting longer, rather than shorter. So what!
I’m going to TRY to ’embrace the glorious mess that I am’ and give myself a BREAK.
That’s not to say that once I incorporate the new labor-intensive focus of raising our lab to be a polite member of our family into my lifestyle that I won’t TRY to do better – but for right now, what I can do is ENOUGH.