Forever

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53 years ago today my husband and I tied the knot, ‘jumped over the broom,’ promised to have and to hold for better or for worse… Actually, we had a less conventional ceremony, using a poem by Kalil Gibran which essentially said we promised we wouldn’t “drink from the same cup. “

53 years later we’re still together, still not drinking from the same cup, and we haven’t killed each other yet. I’ve casually mentioned to him from time to time that I have our backhoe guy on speed dial to dig a hole for my husband in the back yard, but haven’t actually contracted for the job yet.

Marriage is hard. It’s a work in progress that is never finished. When two real people marry, they are actually promising to do their very best to let – and encourage each other – to grow and change – and then deal with those changes the best way they can.

When two very different people marry, it’s even more of a job. My husband and I don’t even use the same salt. On most subjects we disagree. Sometimes we have trouble agreeing whether the sun is shining or not – and yet we love – even more than we did 53+ years ago when I thought my young heart would simply burst with it.

We’ve shared wonderful things and really bad things and made it through. As much as I think about contracting for that hole, I’m addicted to him. He knows all the buttons to push to drive me crazy and yet he can still make me melt with just a look. And the amazing thing is that he still loves me, too.

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Two very imperfect people promised to spend their lives together. Two people created two little babies. Two people lost one of them and thought they would die of grief. Two people became even stronger in order to help each other through and raise their wonderful little boy. Two people whose buttons burst with pride about the caring man he is today. Two imperfect people sharing their lives.

Sometimes we feel so close my heart spills over. Other times we need lots of space, patience, and metaphoric band-aids. Marriage is the hardest job there is, but I can’t imagine one more important. Sometimes I feel marriage is a gift. Other times we deserve awards for NOT digging that hole in the back yard for each other.

We ‘renewed our option’ for another 50 years in 2019, throwing caution to the winds and deciding that this marriage might stand the test of time. Happy anniversary to us. May our laughter continue.

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Butting Heads

My ‘sweet’ husband and I are at loggerheads once again over a topic we have ‘discussed’ several times before – changing the tires on the truck from regular tires – to snow tires – and back again.

It’s time to take the snow tires off and put the regular tires on again. My husband always wants to do this ourselves in the shop. This saves us money. We can schedule it when it is most convenient for us. We know how to do it and have done it countless times.

It is my opinion that it’s a good idea, with our advancing ages and decreasing strength and other health problems, for us to put the tires and the lug nuts into the back of the truck. I would drive the truck to the tire place. Settle in the waiting room with a book, and read while THEY change the tires, air them up, put the snow tires in the back of the truck. Then we can put the snow tires and their lug nuts back in the shop for the next time.

I’m the gofer on this project. I guide him and the truck into the shop. I then go to the back of the shop and roll the tires out, one at a time, grab the bag of lug nuts, find the tools necessary to take the tires off and put the other ones on. My husband does the heavy lifting, using the jack, then sitting on a stool, loosening the lug nuts and handing them to me, then pulling the tire and wheel off, passing it on to me. I roll that one out of the way and roll the replacement to him. He really struggles, but boosts the tire up and gets it on the “spokes’ (for lack of the correct term). I hand him the correct lug nuts for the replacement tire. He puts them on and tightens them. We do the same on the other side.

He then backs the truck out, turns around, and we get the other end in the shop and repeat the process, replacing the four tires. He drives the truck outside the shop, pulls the air compressor tire inflater thingie out there, airs up the tires while I roll the tires we took off back to the back of the shop and store them, then store the special lug nuts that go with them, put the tools away, and start moving things back in place that we had to move in order to get the truck in. When this project is finished, even with yoga, online stretches, Tylenol and the heat pad, my back hurts for a couple of days.

So, we’ve had the discussion. It seems to be a matter of pride for him. So guess what we’ll be doing tomorrow? Wish me luck.

Thoughts on a Friday 3-25-2022

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This sweet fellow looks calm and collected – and I’m trying to take inspiration from him.

My day has been pretty frazzled so far, and I’m getting a very late start on writing here today.

Lunch Bunch was today. My husband decided he would stay home because he is rebuilding and upgrading his computer and the things he ordered were due to be delivered this morning before noon. Lunch Bunch was small, with only Kay, Bud, and me. We had a nice time talking. I brought home lunch for my husband.

The computer stuff is still not here. I don’t know whether we’ll get it today or not. My husband is upset about it.

Meanwhile, he wanted me to help him with a financial transaction. We started an hour or so ago and are still working on it. He wants me to help, but fights me every step of the way, gets mad if I make suggestions, doesn’t want me to leave OR say anything – a continuation of the last several days. I wish we could both reboot our BRAINS…

A very nice surprise happened. When we went through the mail I brought in, I found a package neither of us recognized. It turned out to be

It’s a pillow cover with a Sand Piper on it – one of my favorite things in all the world. I’m thinking that my sweet SIL did this. She’s thoughtful, knows I love Sand Pipers, and has sent things before. I’ve texted her to see if she is the sweet culprit. :0) Update – It WAS my SIL, thinking I needed a ‘cheer-me-up.’ AWWWWW. It worked! Can’t wait to get to the store and get a pillow for it.

It’s already past 1pm here and I haven’t gotten anything accomplished. Oh, well.

Happy Friday.

A Spoonful of Love

I have a favorite spoon. It isn’t valuable to anyone except me. It’s a great spoon for eating soup and such, kind of between a regular dining spoon and a soup spoon in size. It has a wooden handle, and that sealed the deal for me. I LOVE wood.

I’ve used it for YEARS. One day several years ago, the wooden handle split. I tried to be adult about it, but I was really sad. I’d never seen one like it and knew I couldn’t replace it. My husband managed to find a wooden shape that was perfect. He spent a long time carefully drilling a hole down the middle of the complicated shape and glued it on the metal end of the spoon. I was delighted, and have used THIS ONE for years.

Well, as you’ve probably figured out, the handle finally gave up the ghost again. I mentioned it to my husband, but figured he probably wouldn’t be able to get more wood the right shape. His hands also shake now, making precision work much more difficult. I put the spoon with the split handle in the cutlery drawer, just keeping it, even if it couldn’t be used anymore.

When I was getting my coffee this morning, my husband went outside. He came back with this –

It might be dumb to cry over a spoon, but I did. He explained that he got more than one piece of wood years ago so he could repair the spoon again if the handle failed.

The hole I’m digging in the back yard for him will definitely have to wait awhile. :0)

How to Truly Love Someone

Strati Georgopoulos

Patience

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I’m grinding my teeth and trying NOT to punch my husband. You would think that I could HANDLE him by now, wouldn’t you. But I’ll tell you, 52 years is not enough…

We made a POINT of getting what we needed to handle being stuck on the top of our ridge line until further notice when we knew a winter storm was forecast. We have food, water, power, pets, and love to weather it.

We got the storm last Wednesday. We are doing fine.

So what’s the problem and why do I want to punch my husband?

He wants to go OUT in it to buy ice cream and cookies.

He HAS some oatmeal cookies – a whole package of them – on the counter in the kitchen. But those aren’t his FAVORITE brand of oatmeal cookies. He tried one and doesn’t want the rest. Okay, but we DON’T need to go out and buy more. He points out that I finished my container of no-sugar-added vanilla ice cream last night. I told him there is also orange sherbet in the freezer and that’s fine…

He said, “the ice is gone on the driveway. ” I begged to disagree. We went out to LOOK. The driveway looks like a ski slope.

If we could get down in one piece, it doesn’t look like we could get back UP. We don’t NEED cookies and ice cream.

The actual point is that he wants to prove that he can drive whether it’s dangerous or not. He loves to go out and PLAY on the slippery streets. He isn’t worried about falling on his head, as “I” am. In his head and heart, he’s still 20. Sometimes that is a very endearing trait, but NOT when there is ice and snow on the driveway.

He said we can go tomorrow. I said we will LOOK again tomorrow.

The discussion continues as my patience is wearing thin…

Definition of Love

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Never Stop

“Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

“Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.” ~ Ogden Nash

“Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them.” ~ Sydney Smith

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. Katharine Hepburn

The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep. A. P. Herbert

Marriage

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We celebrated our 52nd wedding anniversary yesterday. We certainly have no wise words about marriage, other than the simple fact that when you marry someone, you’re promising to share your LIVES with each other – in good times and bad. It’s a work in progress that involves thinking about the other person first, and nurturing your union each and every day.

Here are some quotes I like about marriage –

Don’t marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can’t live without. ~James C. Dobson

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility. ~George Levinger

Often the difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre one consists of leaving about three or four things a day unsaid. ~Harlan Miller

I figure that the degree of difficulty in combining two lives ranks somewhere between rerouting a hurricane and finding a parking place in downtown Manhattan. ~Claire Cloninger

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. ~Paul Sweeney

A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. ~Anne Taylor Fleming

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. Katharine Hepburn

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. Henny Youngman

_________________

Yesterday we celebrated the FIRST 52 years by sharing a seafood platter at The Dari. Today we begin the SECOND 52!

Pretty Good Start Now

In the summer of 1960 a boy and a girl met and fell in love. She was 14 and he was 17. He went into the Marine Corps for 4 years while she finished junior high and high school. They were together when he was on leave.

He came home and they went to college – he at the University of Tulsa and she at Oklahoma State University. When she had one semester left of practice teaching, they married – June 14, 1969.

Today we celebrate sharing our lives for 52 years, and we haven’t killed each other! He asked me for another 52 years, and, in a moment of weakness, I said. “Let’s do it!”

We have a pretty good start now. We will enjoy sharing a seafood platter tonight in quiet celebration.

Happy Valentines Day 2021

A.A. Milne – Winne the Pooh

Happy Birthday to You…

My husband – the reluctant birthday boy.

We will celebrate our 52nd wedding anniversary in June. As we age, our lives become more complicated – some things much more difficult – but we both feel we will never get enough.

He wants to get a Subway roast beef sandwich for lunch. I am making spaghetti for dinner with a pineapple upside down cake – his favorite – as his birthday cake.

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Our son called him from Thailand this morning – the best of surprises. I’m am doing all I can to make this a very happy day for him.

Marriage Quotes I Love

My husband and I on our wedding day – June 14, 1969

Our marriage – something old that has been made beautiful with a lot of work and patching by both of us. – DiVoran Lites.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Mignon McLaughlin

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open. George Bernard Shaw

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. Ogden Nash

Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them. Sydney Smith

Marriage should be a duet – when one sings, the other claps. Joe Murray

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. Katharine Hepburn

The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.
Peter De Vries

Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. ~Simone Signoret

Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. ~Barnett R. Brickner

A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. ~Anne Taylor Fleming

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. ~Paul Sweeney

I figure that the degree of difficulty in combining two lives ranks somewhere between rerouting a hurricane and finding a parking place in downtown Manhattan. ~Claire Cloninger

Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it. ~Gene Perret

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility. ~George Levinger

Often the difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre one consists of leaving about three or four things a day unsaid. ~Harlan Miller

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.
~Ogden Nash

Milestone

June 14, 1969 – 51 years ago today  – my husband and I made the promise to share the rest of our lives.  Both sets of parents thought we were making a mistake. We happily made the promises anyway, ‘riding off into the sunset’ together, our whole lives ahead of us.

 

51 years later, we are still going strong.

Marriage is one of the most important promises you will ever make. It’s the hardest job you will ever have. It’s an evolving work-in-progress that will sometimes require more than you think you have to give. Merging two lives is difficult, to say the least. You will grow and change, and hopefully continue to build a stronger and stronger bond as the years pass. It’s a union that will bring some of the very best moments you will have in your life.  Bad things will happen, but you are stronger together than either of you is alone.  Sometimes you will feel so close your heart spills over. Other times you want to bite each other in the leg. If you each feel that you are giving 150%, it is probably coming out pretty even. In some ways, I can’t believe it has been 51 years (‘officially’, my husband says, since we dated for 8 years before marrying.) In other ways, it seems we have ALWAYS been halves of a stronger whole.

 

Last year, on our 50th anniversary, my husband said we had a good start, but that he wanted another 50 years. I have told him that I will do everything in my power to give that to him. We don’t know what is in store in the future, but we will face whatever comes together.