Category Archives: Word Play

Clever!

Brew-am-I–to-disagree.- Reddit User Plasmicmac via Imgur.

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Accident

sent by a friend

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Care in Communication 5

Depositphotos

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That’s what he gets for eating those beans!
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Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
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Depositphotos

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
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Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
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And the winner is….
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
***************************************************

Pexels

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Care in Communication 4

Depositphotos

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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
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War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
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If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
———————————————————————–

Depositphotos

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
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Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
————————————————————————
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?
———————————————————-
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!

Pexels

(Sent to me by a dear friend)

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Pun

Pinterest.com

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Have to Share 4 – Punny

123RF

16. When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.

17. Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”

18. Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.

19. Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering

20. I’m trying to organize a hide-and-seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.

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Have to Share 2 – Punny

123RF

6. Just so everyone is clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.

7. A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.

8. I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.

9. Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.

10. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.

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Just HAVE to Share

My good friend sent these puns to me. I just HAVE to share them with you so I’m not groaning all by myself. :0)

123RF

1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.

2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.

3. Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.

4. Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.

5. If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.

(More soon. NONE of us is getting out alive…)

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Worditis

reddit.com

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Clever Indian Hills Puns

Indian Hills is somewhere in Colorado. I LOVE the sense of humor!

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English is a Crazy Language

forwarded by a friend

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Groaner – I Love it

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January 9, 2021 · 9:56 am

The English Language is Nuts

This was forwarded to me by my good friend, Marsha. I loved it and wanted to share it with you –  Hope you enjoy it! :0)

_______

“Pretty Heavy for a Monday”

Homographs are words of like spelling but with more than one meaning.  A homograph that is also pronounced differently is a heteronym.

 

You think English is easy?  I think a retired English teacher was bored… THIS IS  GREAT!

 

Read all the way to the end ….. it took a lot of work to put this together!

 

1)  The bandage was wound around the wound.

 

2)  The farm was used to produce produce.

 

3)  The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

 

4)  We must polish the Polish furniture..

 

5)  He could lead if he would get the lead out.

 

6)  The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

 

7)  Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

 

😎 A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

 

9)  When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

 

10)  I did not object to the object.

 

11)  The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

 

12)  There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

 

13)  They were too close to the door to close it.

 

14)  The buck does funny things when the does are present.

 

15)  A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

 

16)  To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

 

17)  The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

 

18)  Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

 

19)  I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

 

20)  How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

 

Let’s face it – English is a crazy language.  There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.  English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France.  Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are animal brains.  We take English for granted.  But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

 

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?  If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth?  One goose, 2 geese.  So one moose, 2 meese?  One index, 2 indices?  Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?  If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

 

If teachers taught, why don’t preachers praught?  If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?  Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.  In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?  Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?  Have noses that run and feet that smell?  How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?  You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

 

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.  That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

 

PS – Why doesn’t ‘Buick’ rhyme with ‘quick’?

 

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this.

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