Category Archives: Funny Signs – Humor
I went outside to clear my overloaded brain and check on the veggie garden. I heard Amber (our 94-pound lab PUPPY) barking behind me, somewhere over by the greenhouse. I continued on toward the garden and all of a sudden, she bounded out of the shop and was running toward me a breakneck speed!
I averted getting knocked down flat on my back by making a quick turn and running toward a tree. She skimmed past me, then turned on a dime and tried to jump up on me, tongue lolling as she laughed.
I yelled, “DOWN!” To my amazement, she did it! This is probably a fluke that will never happen again, but I feel empowered right now. :0)
(By the way, the veggies are doing fine.)
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a ‘gripe sheet,’ which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way,UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.
*Thanks to Marsha Koenig for her email. I snorted, grinned, and laughed out loud at these.
When we passed Greenwood Veterinary Clinic, our wonderful vet’s office, today we laughed aloud at the sign –
“A Lannister always spays his pets.”
Greenwood Veterinary Clinic – 806 W Center St, Greenwood, AR 72936 – (479) 996-4046 – Dr. Matthew Singer and caring staff.
I have to admit I’m kind of a snob when it comes to Facebook quizzes – such as what kind of a person you are, what your favorite color shows about you, etc. Sometimes I actually take the time to take one, marveling at how all the results are much the same – mostly complimentary. (They never say you’re an ax murderer or that you should be locked away somewhere.)
The latest one I wasted time with was finding out what my Japanese name was, based on spelling out my first name. The result was “Takitoteka.” That sounds more like my Egyptian name to me. :0)
I’ll give you a quiz – if you could be a bird, which one would you be?
This is a hard one for me. I might choose ‘sandpiper” because I love the way they skitter along the sand on their long, long legs. They make me smile and laugh.
I absolutely love owls – have always been fascinated with them. I think my favorite is a barn owl.
Maybe a hummingbird?
Or a spoonbill stork !
If there were actually a quiz based on this, I would HOPE the result was
But those who know me would know I actually look like this –
And what were YOUR results?
I put our 94-pound yellow lab puppy, Amber, out right before we were going to go to bed, about 11:30 last night.
When I let her in, she didn’t come in alone! She had been skunked! She was all upset, spitting and swallowing, and simply reeking! And it was COLD and dark outside, so we couldn’t take her back outside to hose her off.
We took her upstairs to our tub. My husband JUST missed being pulled into the tub with Amber. (She is really strong and has little concern over the frailties of her humans.) He managed to run warm water in the tub while I mixed up our deskunking stuff: hydrogen peroxide, baking soda, and Dawn dishwashing liquid. I grabbed a plastic pan we use when we’re sick and poured a whole bottle of hydrogen peroxide in it, then dumped in what was left in a box of baking soda and then squirted some dishwashing liquid in.
I ran out into the hall for washcloths. We got as much of this stuff as we could on the areas that needed it most – the side of her face, her left chest and her muzzle. Then I poured what was left over her head as my husband shielded her eyes.
Then we spent a LONG time trying to get her rinsed. I rushed back out into the hall to grab two large bath sheets. Two of them were just enough to get her dry enough to go back downstairs with my husband while I tried to mop up the bathtub area.
When I got back downstairs, we both stripped – putting our clothes right into the washing machine, since now WE were skunked, too, then took long showers trying to get the smell off. Febreeze is no match for skunk!
We thought we had done as well as we could to get the smell off. Just in case, I took several clothes pins to distribute to our friends at Lunch Bunch, plus the two long-time good buddy waitresses who bring us our food. Everyone got a laugh out of us and our story of washing the dog at midnight.
I’ve done three loads of wash trying to get things back under control today.
Amber seems to be her normal, doofus puppy self today, smiling and laughing her way through the day.
Tonight we will take the dogs out on a leash one at a time. My husband will be armed with a 22 just in case the skunk has decided to make a return visit.
I am having a challenging day.
It’s a combination – as challenging days often are – of things that don’t go as you planned, and, in my case, having to go back to where I was over and over again to FINALLY get what I wanted. (I get to the room, can’t remember what I went in there for, and have to go back to the office and sit down again before I think “Yes!” THAT’S why I got up!”
A cold front is coming in today. It’s being brought by really WHIPPY, cold wind that makes it seem MUCH colder than the actual temperature. Our temperature was a balmy 60 degrees this morning. The forecast is for the temperature to plunge to about 35 by this afternoon. BRRRR! Because of this, my husband and I agreed not to mess around this morning, but get our grocery list made and hightail it to the grocery. We took Amber (our 93 pound yellow lab PUPPY) and even she thought the weather was a bit much, only sticking her head out of the window a few times on the trip to and from the grocery store. It REALLY felt cold as we put our groceries in the car and then I returned the cart. We are in now for the rest of the day, having put together a nice beef stew in the crock pot for tonight.
The morning has been filled with challenges, such as Amber giving back her breakfast with no warning on the carpet. I went to handle the cleanup on that and Molly (our elderly, quite deaf cocker spaniel/schnauzer cross) decided to come out of the bathroom just as I passed the doorway, almost sending me head over heels. I managed NOT to step on her, but seem to have wrenched a few parts trying NOT to hurt her. I fell, but managed to catch myself on the doggie gate, so I didn’t SPLAT.
My husband really surprised me, wanting to help put the stew together. We will have been married 50 years in June, and this is the FIRST time he’s offered to help! He was in the pantry, asking me what I needed for the stew. My poor brain didn’t want to function, and I couldn’t think of half of what I needed. I ended up joining him in the pantry and pointing. He drained and added things to the crock pot while I browned the stew beef and onions, and then asked what ELSE he could do. This made me wonder if someone had exchanged my husband for this really helpful, nice, good-looking man who drove me home from the grocery store! Not one to lose an opportunity, I set him to peeling two more onions – since I was planning to get ready for two more beef stew dinners in the future. When he finished that, I started him cutting the stew beef into smaller pieces. I joined him to finish that and we divided the onion and stew beef into two freezer bags and they are now cooling.
It only took me three trips back and forth from my computer to the dining area and back to finally get the aquarium filter cartridge box so that I could order more cartridges. THEN I couldn’t remember the name of the grain-free dry dog food I wanted and had to go into the pantry, only to find my husband had done away with the bag and he couldn’t remember the name of the food, either. Happily, Chewy.com had a history of our orders so I was able to get my order in…
I think it was Bette Davis who said, “Gettin’ old ain’t for sissies.” I also like Shirley MacLaine’s quote (paraphrased) that people who can laugh at themselves will never cease to be amused. I’m still laughing!