Category Archives: Blog Repost – Wonderful Posts

I’m Still Laughing

My friend, Marsha Koenig, sent this email to me this morning. It brought back so many good memories of some really talented, funny people. I hope this makes you smile and laugh, too.

Hollywood Squares Game Show

These great questions and answers are from the days when Hollywood Squares’ game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now!

 

Q . Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat? 

A.  Paul Lynde: Loneliness!

(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)  

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Q. Do female frogs croak?

A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

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Q. If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be

A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

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Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years…

A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

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Q. You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

A. Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.

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Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you  think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he’s married?  

A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.  

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Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

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Q. What are ‘Do It,’ ‘I Can Help,’ and ‘I Can’t Get Enough’?

A. George Gobel: I don’t know, but it’s coming from the next apartment.

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Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?

A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I’ll give you a gesture you’ll never forget.

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Q. Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?

A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

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Q. Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?

A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I’m too busy growing strawberries.

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Q. In bowling, what’s a perfect score?

A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

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Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I’m always safe in the bedroom.

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Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?

A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

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Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?

A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

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Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?

A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

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Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?

A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

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Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

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Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?

A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

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Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

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Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?

A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

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WE DON’T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD,
 
WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING  

Enjoy and pass on to your friends.

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“Happy”

Sean Dietrich writes a blog post called “Sean of the South.” I’ve told you about it before, and I can’t say enough about his writing. I can’t just read his thoughts. I FEEL them. I react. I laugh, sometimes out loud. I tear up. Sometimes the tears spill out. He tells us about life. He reminds us of the good in the world – many times when we might feel it’s mostly gone. I’m reposting today’s blog post, called, “Happy.” You’ll see what I mean.

________________

HAPPY

“The happiest day in eleven-year-old Aaron’s life was when he went hunting for the first time.

“All he ever wanted to do was go hunting,” says Aaron’s mother. “His daddy was a big hunter and fisherman.”

Was.

But Aaron’s daddy died in a car accident many years ago. He never got a chance to go.

Enter Joe Seuferer, neighbor and avid hunter, who just moved in next door with his girlfriend.

The first things little Aaron noticed were the Browning stickers on Joseph’s truck. One thing led to another.

Aaron’s first buck was a six-pointer.

The best moment in eighteen-year-old Erica’s natural life was her first guitar recital—which happened last week.

As a girl, Erica lost two fingers in a ski-lift accident. She’s been wearing her sleeves long ever since.

A year ago, she she saw a YouTube video of a man with no arms, playing guitar with his feet.

“When I saw that guy,” said Erica. “I was like, ‘I got no excuses.’”

Erica claims that after learning guitar, she feels she can do anything.

Forty-three-year-old Danny just experienced his happiest earthly day acting in a Hollywood Western.

The lucky dog.

Producers put him on a horse and dressed him in full cowboy regalia.

“I was an extra,” said Danny. “It was like living a childhood dream.”

Danny started riding horses during childhood. He wanted to be in rodeos, but it was not to be. His family went bankrupt when he was a teenager, they sold the farm.

“Losing everything at that young age was traumatic,” he said. “I quit riding altogether.”

Today, Danny makes good money pushing a pencil. He has a wife. Two kids. He pays the bills.

He started riding again last February.

When a friend arranged for Danny to be in a movie, he nearly had a heart attack.

“I got to ride with the outlaws. I know it sounds silly, but I was REALLY happy.”

Seventy-four-year-old Mary Lee’s happiest minutes were seeing her grandbaby, Grace, for the first time. Grace was born with Down’s syndrome. Her birth mother put her up for adoption—post-birth.

Mary Lee heard about the child and suggested her daughter apply to adopt.

“My daughter can’t have kids,” said Mary Lee. “But we knew she was meant to be a mom.”

So, Mary Lee and her daughter spent the first eight months in a hospital, watching Grace undergo heart operations, surgeries, and illnesses.

Bringing her home was a victory.

On Grace’s first overnight stay at Grandmama’s house, Mary Lee didn’t sleep a wink.

“That’s the most beautiful child I ever saw. She makes me so happy.”

Happy.

I don’t mean to point out the obvious, but I’m going say it: you’re not going to live forever. Neither am I.

I don’t know what makes you smile, laugh, or feel good, but you deserve to be doing more of it. A lot more. In fact, you deserve to be so giddy your cheeks hurt.

And if for some reason, you aren’t happy today, then find someone to make happy.

And you will be.”

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“Heroes”

This is a reblog of today’s post from Sean of the South.

Sean’s full name is Sean Dietrich. He writes a blog post daily and has written several books. I’ve read one of them and am eager to get another one. He never fails to reach me in his posts. They’re about down-to-the-ground real people you’ll remember. He writes the way we all wish we could. He’s really special. I’m so glad I signed up for his blog.

_____________________

“Heroes”

God put me together funny. My arms are too long. My legs come to my neck. My feet are the size of waterskis. This makes it hard to shop for things like, say, clothes.

I’m getting a sport jacket for a wedding. The man taking my measurements is named Moe. I know this because it’s on his nametag. He is sturdy-built, caramel skin, middle-aged.

He tells me to hold my arms outward while he pays close attention to how uniquely disproportionate I am.

I’ve met Moe once before. He remembers me.

He recalls that I am an Alabama football fan. He remembers that the last time I visited this store, I was buying clothes for a funeral in South Georgia. He remembers that I always have dog hair on me.

“I got a good memory,” he says. “I was a fire-medic. We had to remember everything ‘cause we couldn’t take notes.”

A fireman-paramedic. A soul who is as equally at home in a yellow NOMEX suit as he is EMT work blues. A man who has removed nine-year-olds from burning mobile homes. Who has resuscitated ninety-year-olds.

A cotton-picking hero.

“I worked in Grant County, Georgia,” he says. “I’d still be doing it if my family hadn’t needed me here. I miss it.”

Georgia credentials don’t count within Florida state lines. The state won’t let him work without a brand new certificate—which requires more schooling. Florida wants its pound of cash.

“Costs ten grand to get certified,” he said. “I can’t afford to start school all over again. Gotta earn a living.”

So he’s fitting people for suits. The same hands that once saved a drowning girl, or a boy with a gut-shot, are now patting my shoulders to make sure I have enough room.

“Can still remember the first time someone died in my arms,” he tells me. “I remember the smells, my surroundings, the way I felt… It never leaves you.”

It was December. A kid rode a motorcycle through traffic. He sped between two delivery vans. He lost control. The boy bounced between the vehicles and got crushed by interstate traffic.

“I held him,” he said. “I was like, ‘Oh man, this is someone my age. This guy could be ME, you know?”

He says the victim took his last breath while he cradled him. And even though Moe has seen a lot of death, it’s taken years to get over that kid.

“But that’s when the lightbulb went off,” he goes on. “Just knew I’s meant to help people. Every day.

“My life just don’t feel right until I’ve done good. No matter where I am, I keep my eye out for one person who needs something. Anything. Even if just to say, ‘Hey man, I’m here for you.’”

I know we’re strangers, Moe.

But today that person was me.

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“Dear Sean” Reblog

Parenting

Parenting

As always, I look forward to an email from Sean of the South  each morning.  He received a special request from Kaylie, and boy – did he deliver! Here is Sean’s post –

________________

“DEAR SEAN:

We just moved to Clovis, New Mexico. I really miss home and all my family are in Florida. I am nine years old… My parents are divorced. And I am a very good artist.

I was wondering if you could tell a story about our situation. …If you don’t mind, I would like you to use words kids understand (but still a make it funny and emotional).

Your friend, KAYLIE

DEAR KAYLIE:

I have a story.

Long, long ago, in a land far away, there was a chubby little first-baseman who enjoyed sourdough biscuits and fried fish. Like you, his family changed. His daddy disappeared. And when that happened, the first-baseman’s world turned black.

One day, this boy went walking in the woods—for it is well-known that first-basemen love forests—and he found a creek near the river.

It was filled with magic catfish who talked to him in small voices, saying:

“No fishing poles you use,
Nor trotlines will ever work,
You will never catch us,
You chubby little jerk.”

This made the boy angry. For who were catfish to talk this way? The first-baseman had been fishing since before he played first base.

So, the next day he visited with a fishing rod. But as it happened, the boy had lost all faith in himself after his daddy died. Because of this, he caught no fish.

The catfish teased:

“Try and try,
You dumb pup,
You’ll catch us never,
You’ve already given up.”

Their singing displeased the first-baseman, for he knew the mystical scum-suckers were wrong about him.

So, the next day he fished again. Nothing.

And the whisker-fish sang:

“Fish, ye, at sundown,
Fish, ye, at sunup,
It won’t work, ye young fool,
Because you’ve given up.”


Now the boy KNEW the fish were mistaken. Mainly, because poets quit using words like “ye” after the invention of the monofilament lightbulb.

Thus, the little boy shouted, “You’re wrong about me! I won’t stop trying!”

Then, he remembered a song his daddy once sang. And so he recited in cut time:

“I will work all day,
I will work all night,
And though I may fail,
I will try and try,

“For I am strong,
Though humble I may be,
To give up is wrong,
For someone believes in me.

Then, magic.

The first-baseman felt his pole bend. And I am pleased to report that he caught a catfish the size of an NFL player’s torso.

He carried the creature home where his mama made fried catfish and sourdough biscuits. And they ate saturated trans fats happily ever after.

Kaylie.

I know life is tough. I know you miss your home, your friends, and your daddy. I know how hard it is to keep going. But don’t give up, sweetie.

Don’t ever.

Because I know a first-baseman who believes in you.”

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Sean of the South

123RF.com

123RF.com

 

One of my friends gave me the URL to a blog post she liked.

I read it and cried. I bookmarked the site and subscribed because the post was so well-written and down-to-earth about things and people in the south. (This is amazing because I’m a Northerner.) Every day I have one post in my inbox. And every day the post grabs me. I can’t help but react. I smile, relating to something he says. I tear up because he tells me about good things people do. I laugh out loud because he’s a real story-teller and I can SEE the funny situation and relate because it’s so true.

I suggest that you go to Sean of the South.

If you like what you read, sign up and you’ll receive a gift every morning from Sean Dietrich. :0)

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“Advice on Cooking Your Thanksgiving Bird”

This is a repost of a blog by Pobept of Town & Country Gardening. I laughed out loud several times, and thought you might enjoy it, too. If you’re interested in wise words about gardening, food, DIY, Health, homemade, and more, please check out and follow this website.

Advice on Cooking Your Thanksgiving Bird

If the link above doesn’t work, here is the URL to paste into your browser –

https://survivalfarm.wordpress.com/2016/11/20/advice-on-cooking-your-thanksgiving-bird/#comment-8710

ENJOY!

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Filed under Blog Repost - Wonderful Posts, holidays

FBI Issues Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO) Alert

Photo found on FaceBook and found it to good not to pass on.

DHMO-duffelblog.com

 

Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO) is dangerous a chemical that will cause steel corrosion(rust), in large volumes can damage soils, homes and businesses(flooding). When exposed to heat it can cause skin burns. If inhaled it can cause death(drowning).
It is an industrial solvent used in fire retardant materials and can be found in the waste from nuclear power plants.
DHMO contributes to the greenhouse effect. May cause severe burns. Contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape. Accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals. May cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes.

Grin…. It is simply unbelievable the number of people that have swallowed this long time hoax.

Dihydrogen monoxide hoax involves calling water by the unfamiliar chemical name “dihydrogen monoxide” (DHMO), and listing some of water’s effects in an alarming manner, such as the fact that it accelerates corrosion and can cause severe burns. The hoax often calls for dihydrogen monoxide to be regulated, labeled as hazardous, or banned. It illustrates how the lack of scientific literacy and an exaggerated analysis can lead to misplaced fears.
dihydrogen monoxide(DHMO) = H2O = water

The hoax gained renewed popularity in the late 1990s when a 14-year-old student collected anti-DHMO petitions for a science project about gullibility.

Thank You Wikipedia.
Snopes.com DHMO hoax

Put on a smile.
Happy Gardening

*This is a reblog of the Town & Country Gardening Post August 26, 2016.  I subscribed to the Town and Country Gardening blog several years ago and have found is to contain wonderful information and a healthy sense of humor.

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This is SUCH a good reminder to read with a skeptical mind, PLUS check our sources. I love the idea of the 14-year-old’s science project – kind of a spin-off of the old game, ‘gossip,’ in a way. There are far too many people who read quickly, hit a like or share button and perpetuate falsehoods. Figuring out what a good source is on the net is a challenging prospect. What I now try to do – unless I’m being lazy – is check several different sources before I believe something.

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